


all these blinding lights

by ninjacatchester



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who & Related Fandoms, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Bad Wolf Rose Tyler, Dark, F/M, Insanity, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicidal actions, all the pairings are super peripheral and brief, amy is alone its all very not nice and pre season 7, attempted suicide, martha probably has ptsd, mickey is paranoid, post trenzalore clara, rory is... idk, story snippets, suicidal jack harkness, the bad wolf is bad news, wilf has guilt issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-01
Updated: 2014-09-01
Packaged: 2018-02-15 15:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,300
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2234193
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ninjacatchester/pseuds/ninjacatchester
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>they're driving me insane. </p>
<p> </p>
<p>the companions & the insanity that comes; rose, jack, mickey, martha, donna, wilf, amy, rory, clara</p>
            </blockquote>





	all these blinding lights

**Author's Note:**

> So these don't fall in the same time period, even for characters that interact with each other, but you'll probably be able to figure out when each is set. There's no rhyme or reason to the order they're in, but that's how it goes. Also, I wanted to do Sarah Jane, but I don't really know much about her because I haven't watched Classic Who or the Sarah Jane Adventures, so I didn't quite feel like I could do her justice. 
> 
> This is a repost from my fanfiction.net account.

**Rose**

Her eyelids slam open in the darkness and she lashes out at the man beside her, hitting, scratching, biting.

"Stop it, stop it!" she cries, tears streaming down her face.

_YOU'RE NOT HIM YOU'RE NOT HIM NO - !_ The wolf in her head is screaming.

He catches her wrists gently. "Rose," he whispers, "You're just dreaming."

_NO DON'T LISTEN THIS IS THE DREAM HE IS A DREAM NOTHING IS REAL TRUST NO ONE - !_  Rose clamps the jaws of the wolf back together with a blink of her eyes.

"Yeah," she whispers, eyes half closed still, "Sorry. Nightmare."

She lays back on the pillow, and his arm settles around her waist.

_A NIGHTMARE, YES ,THIS IS A NIGHTMARE DARLING AND IT'S NEVER GOING TO END - !_

The wolf wrestles out of her control again.

* * *

 

**Jack**

It's nineteen ninety-five and the alleyway is dark.  _They usually are,_  Jack reflects, but that's the way he likes them.

"Come on then!" he shouts, "Kill me!"

_I've got nothing to live for, just kill me already, they're NOT COMING BACK OH LORD JUST LET ME DIE ALREADY MAYBE THIS TIME - !_

"Maybe," the man says, pulling out a gun, "I will."

_Oh no, not a gun, they're useless, they never work. I've tried, I've tried, I'VE TRIED A MILLION TIMES AND THEY NEVER EVER WORK - !_

"A gun?" Jack says, "Really? You coward."

The man pulls out a knife.

_A knife? No creativity, those don't work either, but maybe THIS TIME OH MAYBE THIS TIME I'LL JUST - !_

"Well, come on." Jack spreads out his arms, laying himself mockingly unguarded.

_JUST KILL ME ALREADY - !_

* * *

 

 

**Mickey**

He glances over his shoulder and tugs Martha's warm hand.

_Come on, keep going, keep moving, don't let them find you DON'T LET THEM FIND YOU - !_

"There's a safe house nearby," he tells her as they run, "They won't find us there."

_They can't find us there (OH BUT THEY CAN), they_ won't _find us there (SILLY BOY OF COURSE THEY WILL), it's a safe house (OH BUT NOWHERE IS SAFE NOTHING IS SAFE - !)_

"Mickey," she protests, "We can walk, there's nothing after us – "

"There is silence." Mickey says, -  _SILENCE IS THERE SILENCE IS COMING SOMETHING IS WRONG NOTHING HAPPENED BUT EVERYTHING HAPPENED AND -_ and she shuts up.

Mickey looks over his shoulder again.

* * *

 

**Martha**

"Something wrong, honey?" Tom asks her.

_Something wrong? What sort of stupid question is that? Of course there's something wrong THERE WAS A YEAR THAT NEVER HAPPENED YOU DIED BUT YOU'RE NOT DEAD WHY AREN'T YOU - !_

"Nothing dear," Martha says, "Just thinking." She looks back down at her notebook and continues scribbling.

"Martha, are you ever gonna let me see what you're writing in that thing?" says Tom.

_NO NO NEVER YOU CAN'T MAKE ME – to many secrets, dark secrets, dark days, - YOU DIED YOU'RE NOT DEAD YOU SHOULD BE – but you're not and I hate it and love it and sometimes I just think I'm GOING INSANE AND - !_

"Maybe someday." She tells him.

_NEVER EVER NO NOT EVER THAT YEAR IS MINE AND MINE ALONE - !_

* * *

 

**Donna**

"Donna," Shaun says, "Donna, what are you doing?"

Her head snaps around to look at him.

_What's that burning, there's a light, a white light, but I can't see it, I was looking for it but I CAN NEVER SEE IT - !_

"Watching telly." She replies.

"But love," he sits down beside her on the sofa, "The telly isn't on."

_Isn't it? Then what was I watching? There was a volcano, wasn't there? Ancient Rome? Ash, fire, - OH NO NO THAT HURTS THAT BURNS OH STOP – it's that white light again – or is it just the volcano?_

Donna glances back at the television and sees the blank screen. "Oh. Yes, right."

"You've been so spacey lately." Shaun says.

_Spacey, spaceman, that sounds familiar, I – OH STOP OH THE LIGHT IT'S BLINDING OH - !_

"Have I?" Donna says, "I've just been thinking a lot lately. I always feel like I'm forgetting something."

Shaun smiles. "Maybe you are."

_Yes, maybe I – NO NO STOP THE LIGHT THE BURNING LOOK AWAY LOOK AWAY -!_

* * *

 

**Wilf**

There's a knock on the door and Wilf's hands grip the table.

_The knocking, the terrible knocking, my fault MY FAULT ALL MY FAULT - !_

Sylvia answers the door, and Donna comes racing in, followed by Shaun, who's carrying the car seat with the baby in it.

Wilf smiles a little. Later, after dinner and coffee, Wilf sits on the sofa holding the baby while the rest talk.

"The stars," he whispers, "They're magnificent, but terrible."

_There are battles raging constantly above us, but we're all too thick to notice. Even Donna forgot. But I won't, I WON'T NO NEVER - !_

"Gramps?" Donna calls to him, "You alright?"

"Fine." He tells her.

_But the Doctor is alone and he's not fine and – !_

* * *

 

**Amy**

The cameras flash, blinding and white even behind her eyelids, but she smiles like an angel and pretends the lights are stars.

"Amy!" her PA calls, "Amy, you've got a shoot in three minutes!"

_Time, time, time, is that all you people care about? Being on time? There are more important things, there are tragedies everyday and no one cares I LOST MY BABY AND MY HUSBAND AND MY BEST FRIEND AND I'M LOST SO LOST OH - !_

"Right," she says, turning away from the photographers and striding up the steps of the building, "Right."

They get her all dolled up, and she feels like a fake.

_It's just playing dress up, make believe, LET'S PRETEND EVERYTHINGS ALRIGHT ALL I NEED NOW IS AN IMAGINARY FRIEND OH RAGGEDY MAN OH - !_

The diamonds on her throat weigh her down as she poses.

_They're choking me, closing in, keeping me captive THESE STARS ARE TEARING AWAY MY LIFE OH PLEASE NO - !_

Amy inhales deeply and pouts her little pout that makes the photographers go wild.

When the photo shoot is over, Amy tears the diamonds off her throat with claw-like fingers.

_THE STARS ARE CLOSING IN AND THERE'S NOTHING BUT SILENCE IN MY HEAD I'M ALONE ABANDONED NO ONE TO SAVE ME OH - !_

* * *

 

**Rory**

Rory awakes with a start, thoughts going a mile a minute.

_IT'S TOO HOT THE FIRE I'M MELTING OH LORD WHY DID I HAVE TO BE PLASTIC - !_

He looks over and sees his wife sleeping peacefully beside him. Cautiously, he looks to his right hand.

_Oh please don't be plastic, don't be the gun, please I'VE DONE MY WAITING I WAS ALONE FOR TWO THOUSAND YEARS NO MORE PLEASE - !_

But he is still human.

"Rory?" Amy croaks, nuzzling into his side.

"Something wrong?" he asks her.

"Nightmares." She whispers.

_Nightmares? I get them too, but you never ask me YOU NEVER ASK ME - !_

"It's alright." He tells her, "You're safe with me." Then he lies back down and settles an arm across her waist.

* * *

 

**Clara**

Clara rolls over in her bed, eyes wide open and staring into the darkness as she tries to find sleep.

_When I was a Time Lady, we didn't sleep, we didn't need to sleep WHY SLEEP WHEN YOU HAVE ALL OF TIME AT YOUR FINGER TIPS – BUT WE BURNED OH WE BURNED IN FIRE AND WATER AND BLOOD OH - !_

She presses her face into the pillow and pulls the blankets closer.

_The cold is like losing humanity and becoming a machine, a blood thirsty machine BUT NO I AM NOT A DALEK I AM HUMAN I AM HUMAN OH I SWEAR I AM HUMAN PLEASE - !_

Her candle - because she likes candles now, they aren't machines like nightlights are – has burned down to the bottom of the wick, and it splutters out.

_Oh darkness, consuming darkness, like death NO DON'T LET IT TAKE ME IT'S TAKEN ME SO MANY TIMES BEFORE SO MANY TIMES NO YOU CAN 'T MAKE ME COME I DON'T WANT TO DIE NOW - !_

 

 


End file.
